COMING TO A THEATRE NEAR YOU: THE UTAH JAZZ

In the spirit of all the blockbuster movies that are coming out this summer, I have decided to compile a great movie about the Utah Jazz with some plot lines and casting calls that will surely get the executives in Hollywood all hot and bothered.  Don’t be surprised if this movie actually happens one day.

Jim Caviezel as Coach Jerry Sloan- seriously, put some gray hair on him and tell him to always have his mouth open and Bam, Coach Sloan

Jerry Sloan, played by Jim Caviezel (above) is an aging coach, who is trying to get a grip on his team and a league, that has apparently no need for his tough, old-school manner.  Sloan is preparing for a title run in which may be his last chance ever before retiring, led by his passionate and upcoming point guard, Deron Williams, played by a newly slimmed down and bulked up Jerry Ferrara, in his most tour-de-force performance since the first season of Entourage.  But coach Sloan must first get a hold of young and brass power forward Carlos Boozer, played by Robert Downey Jr. in his second cross-racial role.  Boozer is discouraged at his lack of respect in Utah and is often seen having lunch with New York Knicks GM Donnie Walsh, played by Anne Ramsey.

On top of his locker room issues, Sloan is also receiving pressure from the NBA’s commisioner, David Stern, played by Doc Bullfrog of Emmett Otter’s Jugband Christmas.  Stern would like to see Sloan and some of the other veteran coaches, be a little more lenient with players and let them play more exciting basketball.  But what infuriates Sloan the most, is Stern’s call to give more playing time to foreign players to increase worldwide popularity of the league.  Stern specifically would like to see Sloan play his newly acquired point guard Marko Jaric, played by emmy-award winner David Duchovny.  Stern has felt the need for every team to highlight a foreign-born player after the success of San Antonio Spurs guard Manu Ginobili, played by Don Flamenco of Mike Tyson’s Punch Out fame.

On top of all of this pressure to win a title and play Jaric more often, the Energy Solutions Arena is being held hostage during game 1 of the NBA playoffs, by Super Bowl Champion Ben Roethlisberger, played by Seth Rogen.  Roethlisberger is upset by the news that the NBA is looking to add a team in Pittsburgh and he doesn’t want his Steelers overshadowed by the Expansion Pittsburgh Lebron Jameses, a team that has lured away free agent Lebron James, played by himself, by naming the team after him.  The Jameses also have acquired point guard Earl Watson, played by Nien Nunb of The Empire Strikes Back.

Will Coach Sloan be able to run his team the way he wants to, without getting the boot by the league’s commissioner?  WIll someone be able to stop Ben Roethlisberger?  Will Carlos Boozer be able to talk the Knicks GM into trading for him?  Find out, when The Utah Jazz hits big screens, the summer of 2010.

CAST AND CREDITS

Jim Caviezel…………………………………………………………………………………………….. Coach Jerry Sloan

Jerry Ferrara………………………………………………………………………………………………. Deron Williams

Robert Downey Jr………………………………………………………………………………….Carlos Boozer/ Danny Gokey

Anne Ramsay from Goonies………………………………………………………..Knicks GM Donnie Walsh

Doc Bullfrog………………………………………………………………………………. NBA Commissioner David Stern
                                               

David Duchovny…………………………………………………………………………………………. Marko Jaric

Don Flamenco……………………………………………………………………………………………..Manu Ginobili

Seth Rogen………………………………………………………………………………………. Ben Roethlisberger

Nien Nunb………………………………………………………………………………………………. Earl Watson

Mighty Ducks’ Joshua Jackson…………………………………………………………………… David Lee

Jim Carrey……………………………………………………………………………………..Maverick’s coach Rick Carlisle

Chris Rock…………………………………………………………………………………….Aaron Brooks

Will Smith……………………………………………………………………………………..Robert Horry

Who else would you have be in this All-NBA movie?  Sound off with your NBA look a likes.